6 things people wonder about before they work with a psychotherapist…
And how to work through them so you can get support
1. If I wait long enough maybe I’ll feel ok
Maybe… but what might you miss out on in the meantime, and what if you feel worse while you wait? This is the exactly the type of thinking that we encourage people not to use in relation to their physical health, and similarly a “wait and hope” approach can be very damaging to our mental health. You deserve to feel more content, fulfilled and happier than you do now.
2. Does it mean there’s something wrong with me?
Something is wrong, in the sense that something is blocking you from your sense of inner contentment, and possibly from functioning with ease and joy in your day-to-day life, and it’s not pleasant to feel the way you do. But that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. I am completely biased, but I believe that everybody would benefit from allowing themselves time and space to think, feel, talk and just be in the way that therapy facilitates, with no judgement, no expectations, and no pressure.
3. Other people have worse problems than me
Other versions of this concern are “Is it ‘bad enough’ for me to get help”, “I should be able to manage”, “I don’t want to take up a place on someone else”. To make a physical health comparison, would you let the fact that there are people in intensive care in hospital stop you from making an appointment with your GP? There isn’t a scale of suffering, with a particular point marked off as “this is the point of suffering at which it is acceptable to look for support”. If something is interfering with your enjoyment of your life, or with your ability to carry out day-to-day tasks, or affecting your sleep, appetite, energy, or any other aspect of your physical health or wellbeing, you deserve to get support.
4. What will I talk about? What if I just cry through the whole session?
I strongly believe in trusting the process, so if you do cry, then hopefully you’ll find the relief that you needed from this form of release. As for what you’ll talk about – whatever you want, and need, to talk about, in your own time. Your readiness to open up is an essential part of good therapy; a good therapist will never force you to talk about anything you are not ready for. Again, this is where part of the process is learning to trust the process, and to trust the human mind’s remarkable ability to protect itself, and to trust your strength and capacity to cope.
What we will talk about is finding ways to help you see and connect with the good, both in your life and in yourself. Something is blocking you from seeing the good, and as well as gently uncovering those blocks, we will also spend time noticing and celebrating your strengths and achievements, and building on these to support you.
5. What will you think of me?/ Will you read my mind?
I will think that you are incredibly brave for taking this step to get the support that you deserve, and I will be honoured that you have trusted me to offer that support to you. And no, I cannot, and will not try to, read your mind. (How I sometimes wish I had this skill when I’m talking to my husband!) What I will do though, is reflect back what I have heard you say, and hearing your own words reflected back to you in this way can be immensely powerful, and may offer you insights which you weren’t able to access when your thoughts were whirling around in a jumble inside your head.
6. What will other people think?
“Those who matter won’t care (judge), and those who do care (judge) don’t matter”. While I don’t generally advocate secrecy, you are under no obligation to tell anyone that you are going to therapy. At the same time, the stigma about going to therapy is thankfully changing, and the more people who speak about their experience of therapy, the more that stigma will continue to lift. However, that doesn’t mean you need to shout it from the rooftops either!
So, which of these were concerns for me before I first starting going to therapy?
#1 was a concern...
And so was #2…
And #... ok, all of them were!
Before I started therapy, I had all of these fears because, as fascinated as I am by the human mind, I didn’t really know what to expect from the therapy process. As the saying goes “you don’t know what you don’t know”. But I can honestly say that therapy has been the best thing I have ever done for myself. I understand myself, my reactions, my habits, my fears, my inner voices (yes everyone has those!) and my blind spots so much better than I ever did before I went to therapy (even with a Psychology degree under my belt!). Am I fixed? No… because I was never broken… and neither are you.
To summarise, my greatest wish is that very common concerns (such as, Other people have worse problems than me; Does it mean there’s something wrong with me; What will I talk about? What if I just cry through the session? If I wait long enough maybe I’ll feel ok; What will you think of me/Will you read my mind? What will other people think?) wouldn’t block you from getting support if something is interfering with your enjoyment of your life, or with your ability to carry out day-to-day tasks, or affecting your sleep, appetite, energy, or any other aspect of your physical health or wellbeing. If you have any concerns, at all, about how you are feeling, you deserve to get support.
If any part of this has resonated with you, I’d like to offer you a complimentary 20-minute call to discuss how best I can support you, which you can book HERE.
