How to have a relaxing Christmas with young children
Too many contradictions in that title? Then this blog post is for you!
By now Silly Season is well and truly upon us, and if you’re feeling overwhelmed already it’s not too late to press pause and reset. Here are some suggestions for how to do that:
Make a list: I know what you’re thinking, not another one, you’re drowning in to-do lists. But I’m suggesting that you make a different sort of list, a short one, just three or four words, that would describe your ideal Christmas. One of Stephen R. Covey’s “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” is to begin with the end in mind. In January, when you look back over your Christmas, how would you hope to be able to say it went? List these adjectives and use them as your guiding light when you are making decisions about invitations, commitments and purchases.
For example, if you are hoping to have a peaceful and restful Christmas you would probably like to engage in different activities to somebody who wants to have an exciting and thrilling Christmas. Giving this some thought in advance will help prevent you stretching yourself too thin trying to do everything and please everyone. I’ll be referring to this again so I’m going to call it Your Christmas List.
Use this list to help you to lower your expectations, and acknowledge the season you are in. Christmas with a baby is very different to Christmas with a toddler, and different again is Christmas with school children. And you don’t need me to tell you how different Christmas with children is to the Christmases you had before children! Accept this, don’t fight it. If there are elements of previous Christmases that don’t feel possible this year, in this particular season of your life, allow that to be ok. You can return to them again in years to come, if you want to.
But what about other people’s expectations? This is where setting boundaries could be the best Christmas gift you could give to yourself.
The Oxford English Dictionary definition of a boundary (noun) is “a line which marks the limits of an area”.
I’ve noticed that the word “boundary” seems to hold negative connotations for people, and a fear that setting boundaries will result in confrontation and conflict. It doesn’t have to be that way though. Notice there is nothing in this definition about distancing, isolating, confronting or pushing people away, or insulting them. A boundary simply acknowledges your limits, and your capacity. Sometimes all that is needed is an internal mindset shift, and an awkward conversation may not even be necessary. But if it is, remember to use “I” statements, because nobody can deny how you feel, and how other people react to you stating your needs is their business and theirs to manage.
Simplify and delegate: Realise that you don’t have to do everything yourself. Read that again and really take it in. You don’t have to do and buy everything, and hopefully Your Christmas List will help you to say “no” to things that you may regret doing or buying. You don’t have to do everything yourself, so don’t be afraid to delegate or outsource. For example, you don’t have to make the cranberry sauce yourself (unless you really want to) – use the shop-bought one and (maybe) throw in some extra fresh cranberries, and use the time you save doing something that adds to the values on Your Christmas List.
See Christmas through your child’s eyes: I remember walking into a shopping centre with my toddler a few years ago and as I walked in, I noticed the Christmas decorations had been put up. “It’s a bit too early,” I thought and went straight back to looking at my to-do list (not my Christmas List!). Then I looked around for my 2-year-old son – he was standing behind me gazing all around him in wide-eyed wonderment. “Wow, mama!”, he said. I looked again and this time I saw what he saw – the thousands of twinkling lights, the bright, sparkling colours, the dancing polar bears – and it was magical. Since then I have made the effort to see Christmas as he sees it. Watch “Elf” if you need further convincing!
If it’s your baby’s first Christmas, please give yourself permission to drop that highly pressurising phrase if it’s making your stomach churn when you hear it. If you really want to get the Baby’s First Christmas onesie/bib/hat/rattle/teddy/tree decoration and take aaaallll the photos, by all means go ahead… but if you don’t want to, then just don’t. Notice how commercialised this whole Baby’s First Christmas concept has become, and make an informed choice about whether you want to buy into it. Your baby doesn’t know or care that it’s their first Christmas, and truly, all they want for Christmas is you.
Make family games part of your Christmas traditions if you have children who are old enough to play them. Consider asking Santa to bring some games the whole family can play together; perhaps active games such as Twister, or language development games such as Pictionary. Don’t forget classic pen-and-paper games such as Tic-tac-toe, Hangman or Dots and Boxes (this one is particularly addictive!), or just good old-fashioned Hide and Seek or Doctors and Nurses (where you get to be the “patient” and lie down while you’re taken care of!)
Take some time to really think about your family’s use of technology (including your own!) and set some ground rules as a family. Even very young children can be involved in these discussions and decisions. Again, refer back to your Christmas List – is technology adding to or taking away from that list? Avoid recurring arguments about the amount of time spent on technology by having an agreed system in place.
One way of doing this is for each person to have a certain amount of credits they can use each day. The advantage of having an amount of “credits” rather than time is that this allows the quality of the activity to be taken into account, for example – an interactive activity would use up less credits than passively watching cartoons, or a group activity in the family living room would use up less than credits than watching something by yourself. Technology has become such a minefield and source of stress in families – www.cybersafeireland.org has fantastic information and guidelines for parents.
Commit to taking at least 10 minutes a day for yourself. And by “commit” I mean treat it like you would a business meeting – set a time and “agenda” for it, and make sure everybody else knows not to interrupt it. There are 720 minutes in 12 hours so 10 of those should be the minimum you take for yourself (leaving 710 for everybody else!). Perhaps you could do it while the rest of the family are using some of their technology credits! Decide in advance how you are going to spend the time and have everything you need ready for it – will you go for a walk, do some yoga, sit down with a book and a cup of tea, light a candle and use a meditation app such as Headspace or Calm? Enjoy it, you deserve it!
Christmas will come and go, as it always does. Hopefully you will be able to look back on it and feel you can not only tick the words on your Christmas List, but also carry them forward into 2025. If you would like any support with this in the New Year, you can book a free 20-minute Discovery Call with me and we can have a chat about what I can offer you.
Summary: Christmas may look different if there are children to consider, and what was possible in previous years may not be possible this year, but remember that this is just a season of your life, it’s not forever. Some strategies to help make it more relaxing include: making a short Christmas List of just three or four words that would describe your ideal Christmas, lowering your expectations and acknowledging the season you are in, setting boundaries, simplifying and delegating, seeing Christmas through your child’s eyes, dropping pressure around your baby’s first Christmas, making family games part of your Christmas traditions, setting some ground rules for your family’s use of technology, committing to taking at least 10 minutes a day for yourself.
