6 signs that you’d benefit from working with a psychotherapist:
“I wish I had come sooner”.
And I wish I had a euro for each time I have heard this! When I explore this wish with the mums I work with, it often turns out that there had been signs for a while that they would have benefitted from support, but they had waited and hoped that with time they would somehow feel better. But would you do this if you had an unexplained physical pain? All of the feelings I describe below are painful and unpleasant, and you deserve not to feel this way. I hope this blog will help you to believe that your mental health deserves the same level of care as your physical health.
One of the most common reasons I hear people say that they didn’t come for therapy is that they were afraid that they didn’t feel “bad enough”. However, there is no minimum acceptable level of suffering that any therapist will ever say you must reach in order to come to therapy. In fact, I believe the complete opposite, and would argue that everybody would benefit from the opportunity to work with a therapist, and to explore the inner strengths that they can use to support themselves to work towards their potential fulfilment, contentment and ease in their lives, and to reduce the inner blocks they struggle with that prevent them from experiencing this.
These are the most common signs that the mums I work with describe that helped them to realise that they needed support, and I myself experienced all of them in my first three months of motherhood, before I worked with a wonderful therapist who helped me to find my way out of these mental tunnels.
Life feels hard and heavy
Exhaustion and overwhelm as a mother are one thing, but feeling like you’re dragging yourself through the day is another. While the well mean-meant advice to “enjoy every minute” is completely unrealistic, and actually can create a very unfair level of pressure, “hard and heavy” shouldn’t be your normal baseline for how your days are feeling.
You feel stuck
Perhaps you are finding it hard to imagine or trust that things will improve or feel less challenging. Personally, I knew I needed to speak to a therapist when I found myself googling “When will being a mum get easier?” (Please don’t do this!) A therapist can help to gently lift the weight of all that is pushing you down, and to widen your perspective to discover possible solutions and easier ways to manage.
You feel like you’re “in your head” all the time and just can’t escape the constant internal chatter
Your internal talk is almost solely about your baby and their wellbeing. You’re in a state of constant worrying and anxiety about whether they’re ok – are they sleeping enough? feeding enough? active enough? developing quickly enough? As much as you would dearly love to, it feels impossible to quieten or slow down these thoughts, never mind to switch them off.
Your inner mean girl is in the driving seat
It may be that not only are the volume, speed and intensity of your thoughts about checking your baby overwhelming, but you may also notice that you are speaking to and about yourself in ways that you wouldn’t speak to or about a friend. This is a sign that you would benefit from help with reframing these thoughts. It is hard to trust yourself and feel at ease when there is an inner voice questioning whether you’re doing enough, or are a good enough mother. You are! It’s just that your inner mean girl is getting too much airplay, and it’s time to reconnect with (or find) your inner cheerleader, and be a better friend to yourself. This is the at the heart of a therapist’s mission when working with you – to support you to become more self-compassionate.
Other people are starting to notice
You notice a certain tone to people’s voices when they ask you how you are, or perhaps they’re asking more directly “Is everything ok?”, or, “Are you ok?” And the more quickly and adamantly you reply with “I’m FINE”, the more likely it is that you might benefit from a neutral listening ear. Well-meaning family and friends may jump in to ease your pain by offering advice and solutions, but you know how triggering this can feel when that’s not actually what you need. What you need is space and time to tune out all of the external noise, and tune back into yourself. You know yourself best. Your therapist will know and trust this, and will support you to reconnect with your true self.
You feel like you’d like to hide or disappear
If the thoughts of leaving the house, of people calling over, or of getting out of bed in the morning feel too much, then you most definitely deserve to get support to lessen how challenging things are feeling.
Please also know that you don’t have to feel any of these things to book a session! You may have a specific issue or concern that you would like to talk through, or, you may just have a general feeling that you would like to try it, or you may just be curious about it. As I said at the beginning of this blog, I would love for everyone to experience the benefits of therapy at least once in their lives.
Summary:
In this blog, I have outlined the most common signs that mums tell me helped them recognise that they were ready to work with a therapist: you feel stuck, you feel like you’re “in your head” all the time and just can’t escape the constant internal chatter, your inner mean girl is in the driving seat, other people are starting to notice, you feel like you’d like to hide or disappear. If you are experiencing any of these distressing mental tunnels, then just as you would visit the doctor if you had any sort of physical discomfort, you deserve the support of a therapist to find more ease and joy in your day-to-day life.
If any of this is resonating, then I invite you to book a free 20-minute Discovery Call with me. Please be aware that during this short time we will not have an actual therapy session, but I can answer any questions you have about my in-person and online services, and we can discuss how I can best support you. You can book a free 20-minute Discovery Call here. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
