April is Stress Awareness Month:

Here’s what you need to know…

I’m frazzled… I’m wound up… I’m overwhelmed…

I’m stressed…. I’m anxious….

The terms “stressed” and “anxious” are often used interchangeably, but it is important to know the difference so that you can recognise when you (or a loved one) may need further support.

Is it stress or anxiety?

Stress occurs in response to an external trigger or event, for example: lack of sleep, a crying baby, a baby that is difficult to feed, children arguing, never-ending piles of laundry, reduced social contact … (hello motherhood!) External stressors can be one-off or short-term events, or can happen repeatedly over time.

Stress can lead to a dysregulated nervous system, causing responses and symptoms which may be:

physical: fatigue, insomnia, headaches, muscle tension, high blood pressure

mental: difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness

emotional: irritability, overwhelm, anxious

Some stress responses, when channelled positively, can lead to enhanced performance e.g. meeting a deadline; performance in sport or in an exam; or “rising to the occasion”.

However…

Prolonged stress over time, or unmanaged stress, can lead to anxiety.

Anxiety can also occur even if there is no apparent external stressor.

If untreated, over time anxiety can interfere with your quality of life, and lead to physical and/or mental health difficulties.

If stress symptoms persist even when external stressors are not present or are reduced, and are interfering with your quality of life, then this needs to be taken seriously, and you don’t have to suffer alone. Talk to your GP, PHN or a therapist to get the support you need and deserve.

The differences and similarities between stress and anxiety

How you can support yourself during stressful times:

During times of stress there are physical, mental and emotional supports you can put in place to reduce the impact of the external stressors, and they can make a huge difference.

However, when you are feeling stressed, it can be difficult to know where to start to reduce the overwhelm.

Start by checking in with yourself to notice how you are experiencing the stress:

* Physically? exhaustion, insomnia, headaches, muscle tension or aches

* Mentally? difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, brain fog

* Emotionally? irritability, anger, tearfulness, loss of interest in things you used to enjoy

* Socially? reluctance to meet up or engage with people, snappy

We experience stress when we perceive that the demands on us are greater than our supports.

So, to reduce stress, you can increase our supports and decrease the demands.

Here's how...

Increase your supports and decrease your demands physically, mentally and emotionally

Don't try to do all of these at once! Start with just one or two changes at a time. Take care that your self-care doesn't become another source of stress.

Notice which area the stress is having the strongest impact on, and choose to increase supports or decrease demands in this area.

For example, I tend to “be in my head” a lot, which if I’m stressed magnifies to the point that I can’t switch off, so my starting points to manage my stress levels are usually to:

* decrease mental demands by doing regular brain dumps throughout the day, and categorising what’s on it into Delegate, Delay, Delete in order to limit the final category – Do, and reduce the overwhelm of a busy mind

* increase emotional support by journaling

* increase physical support by running or walking (and promising myself I’ll go to bed earlier, but that rarely happens!!!)

I worked with a mother recently who becomes very active physically when she’s stressed – she can’t stay still and becomes very “busy”, she has a tendency to over-exercise, and finds it difficult to sleep. So I supported her to:

* increase mental supports by asking for help, and making a “ta-dah” list at the end of the day to help her recognise how much she is doing

* reduce emotional demands by talking to me, and increase emotional supports by developing self-compassion

* increase physical support by swopping some of her work-outs for gentle daytime walks, which along with a wind-down evening routine, also supported her sleep

How can you avoid stress?

Unfortunately, in today’s hectic world, and especially as busy mums, you can’t avoid it completely.

BUT, there is a lot that you can do to manage it.

One great tool is to create a Stress Action Plan.

Start by asking yourself the following questions:

·        What are the times of day and activities that cause you stress?

These are your TRIGGERS. You may not be able to change them (although great if you can), but awareness of them gives you the power to be prepared in advance and put supports in place rather than being caught off-guard, which in itself can be stressful.

·        How does stress affect your thoughts, feelings and body?

These are your WARNING SIGNS. We began to identify some of the physical, mental, emotional and social ones earlier. However, some warning signs can be hard to spot in yourself because they can habitual, default responses, but unfortunately that doesn’t always mean they are effective or healthy. It may be helpful to ask someone you trust what they notice about you when you are stressed - do you become irritable, forgetful, speak quickly etc.

•             What can you let go of?

These are your DEMANDS. Now obviously there is a huge overlap between demands our responsibilities which we can’t just drop (and of course, many of our responsibilities a.k.a our children also bring huge joy, which in itself is immeasurably supportive). But it is very important to regularly take stock to notice where you can delegate tasks, do less, say "no", and incorporate regular practices such as doing a brain dump or practising mindfulness to stay in the present moment.

·        What helps you to relax?

These are your SUPPORTS. These can be immediate coping mechanisms such as deep breathing, stretching, doing a brain dump, delegating tasks, or longer term, preventative measures, such as exercise, good sleep and nutrition, regular check-ins with someone you trust.

Without awareness of what your triggers, warning signs, demands and supports are, you will be more susceptible to stress, and less able to manage it.

Writing them down to form a Stress Action Plan and displaying it where you can see it can make it easier for you to prepare for your triggers, notice your warning signs, and act quickly to put supports into action.

Write your answers on a template like this:

Your Stress Action Plan

When you are feeling stressed, it can be hard to think straight and tune in to what you need to do to support yourself., so it may be helpful to display your Stress Action Plan where you can see it can make it easier for you to be aware of your triggers, notice your warning signs, and act quickly to put supports into action.

You could also give your Stress Action Plan to your partner, a friend or relative so that they can help to support you with it.

One final thought:

You often feel tired, (not because you've done too much), but because you've done too little of what sparks a light in you.

- Alexander Den Heijer

I’ve put part of this quote in brackets, because I don’t want to minimise the possibility that you are doing too much…

But…

It is also true that all work and no play makes, well, things much harder than they need to be.

You deserve breaks. You deserve time and space for what sparks a light in you.

It can be hard for us as mothers to allow ourselves this time and space. And I think part of the problem can be that you think you’d need to take a lot of time and space for it to be effective.

But that’s not true.

Little and often is what is most effective when it comes to regulating our nervous system (remember: stress can lead to a dysregulated nervous system, causing symptoms such as exhaustion, difficulty focusing, sleep disturbances, digestive problems, unexplained body pains, and other physiological responses such as heart racing, dizziness, and body tension.)

Creating small pockets of time throughout the day to do things that spark a light in you can reduce these stress responses.

In 5 minutes, you can:

😊enjoy a cup of tea in the garden

😊listen to, dance to, or sing your favourite song

😊give yourself a hand massage

😊stretch or do some yoga poses (I highly recommend legs up the wall!)

😊watch a funny video

😊call a friend (ok, you might need longer than 5 minutes for that!)

Try making your own “spark a light” list (I love this phrase!)

Make a 5-minute list, a 10-minute list and a 30-minute list so that if you do find yourself with an unexpected pocket of time, you can make use of it to support yourself.

Remember, if the information and tools outlined in this blog are not helping, it is important to seek further help and support. You can reach out to me any time here.

You don't have to suffer alone.